Rejection hurts. It's the awful "No" that feels like it can tear you apart, especially after putting yourself out there. None of us wants it. Most of us have to face it. Artists of all genres face it a lot, especially those who submit or perform their work publicly.
Fear of rejection is reason enough for some of us not to put ourselves forth, not to show our work or ourselves. To make matters worse, for those acutely sensitive to rejection, the shame felt makes us unable to handle or learn from criticism of any sort.
The key issue becomes whether or not to hazard possible rejection. It may be possible to avoid entirely, but authentic self-development makes that an unlikely option. Also, doing creative work of any kind increases the risk of rejection.
Creative Work and Risk-Taking
The creative process itself involves some personal risk-taking, and exposing its results can feel like exposing meaningful parts of oneself. Why do it? The answers are individual, but one motivation is to explore, discover or uncover something of value in that deep and meaningful creative process.
Why then should your creative work be seen by others? Only you know the answers to that, but they can run the gamut from "because it's as good as work I've seen done by others" to "because it's so amazing it's beyond me". There are many other possibilities, including gifts of love and generativity. Still, there's no guarantee that the products of our creative work will be valued by others. Putting oneself or one's work out into the world is an existential and very human transaction. No denying it is risky. Still, the crucial job is to create the work,....not to avoid rejection.
Disappointment is inevitable. Practice helps to deal with it. Rejection of personally charged creative work is a real downer. Don't let that feeling expand into shame, a psychologically involuted feeling that something is fundamentally wrong or inadequate with oneself, a sense of needing or wanting to disappear. Respect the difference between product and self: a piece of work was rejected, not you. Those critics probably don't even know you.
The Self Critic
We can be our own worst or best critic. Get to know the difference between constructive and destructive criticism. The first one helps improve our work and is needed for growth. The second is of little use, yet we are sometimes the worst self-offenders.
Doing any creative work takes some personal involvement and risk to move outside the bounds of criticism and conformity to even our own standards and comfort zone.
Sometimes, I look at work that has involved my taking a big risk. Bad-critic-me says I should throw it out. Good-critic-me pauses at what looks like a mess, asking what felt good about doing it and if I like or want to push further on any parts of it. Old saying comes to mind: Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
As a reference point, I'd recently had paintings rejected for gallery exhibition. I didn't expect this because of a long run of prior acceptance. It felt bad. Was I sorely disappointed? Yes. Shamed? No.
The more experience I've had showing work publicly, the more I can affirm the courage it takes to do so, and the more I rely upon that courage for stamina when faced with inevitable disappointment in a creative quest.
Feedback, Rejection and the Half-Cup Option
It adds to the problem of dealing with rejection when no useful feedback is given. (We seem to care less about feedback when praised!) Typically there is no feedback from some sources of rejection, including art juries and competitions. Too bad, because it could be useful in prompting constructive possibilities.
Without feedback, it is even harder to handle the "half-cup option". That's when you must decide if the cup you are given is half-empty or half-full (the optimal view). Optimally, we consider constructively critical possibilities that serve useful purposes. We don't get defensively narcissistic at one extreme, or beat ourselves up at the other. We see the cup as half-full and ask what might fill it. We might also stop to wonder: what is in that cup that we want filled?
Some Tips to Deal with Rejection
Here's my tip about rejection. Don't let it define yourself internally. Some specific product has been rejected. "But I put my heart and soul into it", you protest. Then consider if you sent your heart and soul to an appropriate audience or critic. The point is to focus on the work and, however important it is to us, to know that it is not us. We are always, more (for better or worse) than that.
Don't necessarily sneer rejection away either. What can be useful about this particular rejection? Keep it specific, and avoid overgeneralizing to "failure". Who were the arbiters or critics? What were they looking for? So many different opinions and tastes enter the fray. So much input competes for limited space and attention. Not everyone will like our work, nor should they. If a juried show or gallery rejects it: did it fit with their other works yet be different enough to be a good addition? Do you think there's anything in the the work you'd like to change now? Have you learned anything more about the audience you want ? If, perhaps like me, you're driven to pursue several different paths in your journey, you might need to consider different audiences for different sets of work. Creatively, the whole matter may come down to: what do you really want to do, who do you want to do it for, and why do you want them to care? That takes both soul-searching and reality-testing.
Be selective in your social media output and intake. It can be like a house of reflective mirrors, offering so many viewpoints that it gets hard to focus .
The Internal Critic
Many of us can be our own worst critic. Get to know the difference between constructive and destructive criticism. The first helps improve your work and development. Sometimes, so does being a creative refusé who pushes the boundaries of even your own comfort zone and your critic.. Look at a work that has involved taking a risk. Bad-critic-me says to throw it out! Good-critic-me ruefully smiles at what looks like a mess and asks what felt good about doing it and which aspects I might like enough to push on with. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Rejection in Good Company
Rejection puts us in with good company. Think of all the famous authors, musicians, visual artists and performers who had work rejected. It seems inevitable.
The now famous Salon des Refusés was an1893 exhibition of future-famous works rejected by the jury of the establishment (the French academy of art). Organized by then outsider artists, it included works by the now eminently regarded Courbet, Cézanne, Manet, Pissarro, Whistler and others who changed the course of art in the 20th century.
The moral: Don't let rejection blot out future acceptance and successes. Focus on works that inspire and accomplish what you want, not just those that get public acknowledgement. Rejection may make you stumble, but keep on your path. Only you know when you're on it, even if you're not sure where it leads. Keep showing up, keep working, keep learning. That's the creative process: exploration, discovery, achievement, assumed mishaps, more exploration, discovery... and so on. That's vital.
How Creative People Face Rejection
Let's conclude with a few memorable quotes about rejection from persons now famous for their creative work. We've focused on rejection, but Ray Bradbury's quote reminds us that acceptance or praise also can be self-limiting.
I discovered that rejections are not altogether a bad thing. They teach a writer to rely on his own judgment and to say in his heart of hearts, 'To hell with you'. (Saul Bellow, New York Times, 1985)
You have to know how to accept rejection and reject acceptance. (Ray Bradbury)
Don't be worried about rejection. I say that now. It's terrible, I asked one of my dealers years ago 'If I don't sell are you going to dump me?' And he said, 'Sure.' But sales don't make a show. (Joan Mitchell)
I love my rejection slips. They show me I try. (Sylvia Plath)
Fail better. (Samuel Beckett)
I'll conclude by wishing us all more courage and resilience to be creative and to nourish it in others.
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